Sisters

"Nenny and I don't look like sisters . . . not right away . . . . But me and Nenny, we are more alike than you would know."

--(Sandra Cisneros, The House on Mango Street, 17)

This line is the story of my life.

My sister Tesia is two years older than me and does not look like me at all. Period. She's small with darker skin than me, brown hair, and caramel eyes. I'm tall, blonde, blue-eyed, white. (Ok, you can't really see it in this picture cause she's wearing high-heels and the flash makes us look almost the same color...)

When people find out we're sisters, they never believe us. Latinos have nicknamed her "the brown girl," which I couldn't figure out because they are waaay darker than she is. But then I realized that they thought it was weird that we didn't look like each other because when Latinos have babies, they all have brown skin with dark hair and dark eyes. They don't get some blonde kids and some brown-haired kids.

But even though we don't look alike, we think exactly the same way. Sometimes its really freaky how similar our brains are. It's almost like we're the same person, and yet, we're really different at the same time. It's a weird phenomenon. 

When we sing, our voices blend together really, really well. Even though we don't have the same voice. It's a weird phenomenon.

We like the same things, but our personalities are very different. It's a weird phenomenon.

Anyway, I feel like this theme of being really similar and yet so different applies to me and Esperanza as well. I have never been an immigrant in a community surrounded by lots of other Hispanics. But I have felt what it's like to be a girl growing up. I'm not a Chicana, but I grew up with a mixture of cultures too. I didn't grow up in a city, but I have felt the strain of poverty around me. I just felt a connection to her as I read The House on Mango Street. We're similar and yet very different at the same time.

Esperanza and I don't look like sisters . . . not right away . . . . But me and Esperanza, we are more alike than you would know.

The Physical Body

Honestly, I can't just pick one thing that we've learned about this semester that is my favorite.

I feel like IHUM 260 has taught me how to live a life that is complete and balanced. It's taught me about relationships and people. What makes people work. The things that are important to me. What makes me happy. What drives me. What was it Anaya said? Something about books being a mirror into your own soul? I feel like this class has revealed a window into my soul. I've learned so much and I love all of it. But I've tried to pick a highlight.

I LOVE Latin music and dancing. The story that Professor Mack shared about the visiting guy that had a random Latin girl dance for him and then she left really impressed itself on my mind. Yeah sorry, I can't remember any details cause it was so brief. But it impacted me. I thought a lot about the guy's musings about how sensuality isn't always about sexuality, it's about being alive and cherishing it.

These thoughts created a circle when we started discussing physicality during Bless Me, Ultima and the very physical descriptions by Antonio, as well as the discussion about how our memories are tied up in our physical being. It makes me really, really appreciate my body. I mean, that is why we came to Earth, after all. We came to gain a body. So here's the circle connecting dancing and Bless Me, Ultima's physicality: living is a very physical thing that you have to have a body for. When you're a child it's easier to be aware of it. And I feel that dancing is a celebration of having a body because you're so aware of it. Being alive isn't just about increasing our intellectual capacity and agency and all that, although those are vital, it's about having a body and learning how to control it and enjoy it. Yup, those are my Thanksgiving break musings :) I like it.

Man vs. Woman

"I had cleansed myself completely and prepared to take God into my body. Since the confession I had talked only to Ultima and to my mother. I had kept myself pure."

(Rudolfo Anaya, Bless Me, Ultima, 219)

Sooo...young man Antonio, trying to be a good boy and grow up right, thinks that keeping himself pure allows him to only speak with  his mother and Ultima. Why?

There's an interesting theme contrasting men and women in this book. Gender roles, perceptions, characteristics. (Whoa, apparently it's not safe to search for Adam and Eve on the internet. Lots of sketchy stuff.) Um, where was I...oh yes, so I feel like there's a general list of qualities that are associated with men and women. Let's compare and contrast.


La Virgen Guadalupe and God, for starters. La Virgen is kind and forgiving to all. She's a comforter to Antonio. A woman. God on the other hand, is stern and unyielding. He's condemning and not very compassionate. Man. In one of my classes (was it this one? I can't remember...) we talked about how when the indigenous people were conquered, they felt that their male gods (the gods of war and stuff) had rejected them so they turned to the comfort of their female gods. That's why the Spaniards found that it was easier to attach them to the Virgin Mary rather than God himself. They could relate with her better because they associated her with the qualities of their female gods. Their male gods were more harsh like Antonio's perception of God. All this stuff is rooted in history but it's still being shown today in modern literature.

Ok, now Antonio's parents. His mother is really loving and espiritual and prays all the time while his father is ok with drinking a lot and isn't such a fan of religion. And as Antonio continues to grow, he is coming to see what men are like. His brothers aren't exactly the ideal examples to strive to become.

Then we have the younger generation, all the crazy boys and the much less crazy girls, although some colorful words slip into their language too sometimes. The boys are little tornadoes trapped in little bodies while the girls are mostly angelic, especially when the priest is present.

So what I want to know is what is Anaya saying with these themes? Are women generally perceived as being naturally holy while men are just stuck being sinners? Is Antonio an exception to this rule or is he just still growing into being a sinful man? Hmm...

Hatred. Why? Why???

"Why are they like that?" I asked Cico. . . .

"I don't know," Cico answered,"except that people, grown-ups and kids, seem to want to hurt each other."

(Rudolfo Anaya, Bless Me Ultima, 111)

Deep topic today, guys. I read this quote earlier today and it kind of struck me, probably because this is one of my biggest frustrations with the world. I knew that I needed to blog about it but I wasn't expecting it to be brought home so immediately through an experience I had shortly after I read it.

So I got home from school today, went to do homework, and got distracted by Facebook. Of course. As I was scrolling through my Newsfeed, a post in Spanish caught my eye about the election. Not a big deal, everyone is posting about it right now, but I started reading it and found it was from a not-so-typical point of view.

The author is a man from Mexico called...(codename) Juan. Juan's post began by drawing an interesting comparison, I thought, about the millions of dollars that Romney has spent, the many hours of time lost, the  hard work, the stress that he's dealt with--all for nothing. He compared it to the money and time and hard work and stress that immigrants face as they cross the border through the frontier--all for nothing when they are captured and returned to Mexico, worse off than when they started. It was a thought provoking idea. Then he gave his opinion about why Romney lost, etc, etc, and said that although there are different social classes, the upper classes depend on the lower classes to get where they are and the lower classes depend on the higher classes. We all depend on each other. He said.

Juan said that Latinos played a major part in Obama's victory. However, he feels that the time is quickly coming that it will be a Latino who will lead the nation. (Opinions are fine by me. Everyone can have their own.) But then he said one of the most racist things I have ever heard.

"Soon the bronze generation, the Latinos, will rule over the whites--the pale-faces, gentiles, whatever you want to call them."

I was stunned.

I was hurt.

Everything that I've been working towards to remove racism from our society, especially against Latinos, was thrown back in my face from one of the very people I love so much. His desire to "rule over" white people was bringing the stupid history of racism full circle. His words showed that he didn't believe in depending on each other at all--it's about being on top, controlling others. Judging people based on the color of their skin.

I. Hate. Hatred. Why do people try so hard to hurt each other???

I don't know the answer. I don't get it. Maybe I'm like Antonio--childlike and naive--but what I do know is that the only way to overcome hatred is through love. With love the world is a beautiful place where the color of your skin makes you beautiful.

My Carnival

K, so I watched Black Orpheus and bam--a ton of the "Carnivalesque" themes. For instance, the mixing of Brazilian culture with Greek myths. Then there was a mix of modern culture with this old voodoo/witchcraft/seance stuff. Then there was the circular meshy pattern of events without much exposition or climax or denouement. It was very in your face--Samba. Boom, we love each other--samba--even though we just met. Samba. Death appearance! Whoa! Samba. Boom, she's dead. Samba. Boom, he's dead. Samba. Someone else picks up the guitar--samba--to continue the story. Samba.

Inspiration for a connection: It just so happens that every time I hear the word "carnival" this salsa song starts playing in my head.

(Note the people clapping son clave)

Connection: As Celia says, "La vida es un carnaval." So as this song was playing in my head I thought to myself, "How is my life carnivalesque?" And it came to me...the dialogue in my life is between my Swedish/Alaskan/aka super white side and my Latin side. Let me tell you, it is quite the dialogue. It is a mixing of hard working, purpose-driven, introverted me with life-loving, carefree, extroverted me. However, like in The Kingdom of this World and Black Orpheus, some interesting, unexpected things come to pass in this discussion.

For example, when I finished my mission I was told that nice young men would be falling over themselves to date me. But in reality, 98% of guys that have asked me on dates since I've been home have been:

A) Nonmembers
B) Less-active members
C) Sketchy
D) Predatory
E) Latinos (which isn't bad by itself, because I like Latinos. But in this situation it's just funny)
F) Pretty much all of the above, somehow

Yeah, I wish I was joking. I'm not. But I have managed to evade all the sketchy dates. Weird things happen at Carnival. Weird things.

But the up-side is that my Latin dialogue discusses how great life is with lots of fun Latin friends and dancing and food and my responsible white dialogue agrees, at the same time keeping my Latin side balanced while living in this messy world. And it's healthy. Life is just a party when its working right. It's a carnival.